Hi Caro, So, I’ve written my story which is about a tragic race but I’m not sure if I’ve highlighted the theme of pride enough. However, I quite like what I’ve done. Do you still want me to post it here?
So, here's my story below. As I mentioned, I don't think I've got the themes right but I felt compelled to write this about this boys race for his life. The story is called Lost Boys : -
"The boys approached at the bus stop, asking for money. Instead of acquiescing, he was a smart arse. When the knife came out, he realised his mistake and the race was on.
Legs pumping, heart hammering and breath wheezing from aching lungs, Jake cursed his hastily spoken words.
Make it to the police station and he’d be safe. It wasn’t far, but he was tired. So tired.
Leaning against the tree, Jake struggled to stay awake. His hand held to the wound was sticky with blood. Body numb and throat dry, he whispered for his mum, and closed his eyes."
I know it's a bit bleak. I think I'm going to publish it today but with this explanation underneath : -
"Knife crime is a heart breaking tragedy here in the UK. Particularly as each weekend you hear more and more stories of teenagers losing their lives to this terrible crime that, as a parent of a teenage boy, is always on my mind whenever he goes out.
This story is just a reflection of how quickly the wrong words or actions can lead to horrific consequences."
Wow! You caught my attention! You successfully conveyed Jake’s fear, exhaustion, and vulnerability, making it a compelling 100 words. Also, I do see clearly how his pride led to his downfall. Kudos, my friend!
That’s a great story, Caro 👍🏼
I’ll have a think and see if I can come up with something 🤔
Thanks Dan! I used one meaning of the word. I was going to write something about a marathon but put that aside.
Hi Caro, So, I’ve written my story which is about a tragic race but I’m not sure if I’ve highlighted the theme of pride enough. However, I quite like what I’ve done. Do you still want me to post it here?
Hi Caro,
So, here's my story below. As I mentioned, I don't think I've got the themes right but I felt compelled to write this about this boys race for his life. The story is called Lost Boys : -
"The boys approached at the bus stop, asking for money. Instead of acquiescing, he was a smart arse. When the knife came out, he realised his mistake and the race was on.
Legs pumping, heart hammering and breath wheezing from aching lungs, Jake cursed his hastily spoken words.
Make it to the police station and he’d be safe. It wasn’t far, but he was tired. So tired.
Leaning against the tree, Jake struggled to stay awake. His hand held to the wound was sticky with blood. Body numb and throat dry, he whispered for his mum, and closed his eyes."
I know it's a bit bleak. I think I'm going to publish it today but with this explanation underneath : -
"Knife crime is a heart breaking tragedy here in the UK. Particularly as each weekend you hear more and more stories of teenagers losing their lives to this terrible crime that, as a parent of a teenage boy, is always on my mind whenever he goes out.
This story is just a reflection of how quickly the wrong words or actions can lead to horrific consequences."
Let me know. Thanks very much. Regards
Wow! You caught my attention! You successfully conveyed Jake’s fear, exhaustion, and vulnerability, making it a compelling 100 words. Also, I do see clearly how his pride led to his downfall. Kudos, my friend!
Thanks very much Caro. I’m so glad you liked it 🙏